I haven't written in awhile. I haven't felt challenged for awhile.
Or maybe I haven't been challenged anything for awhile. Or maybe I haven't been listening to God's challenges.
I haven't been completely myself lately. In fact, I've been looking around for me everywhere. I've felt...empty.
Paul, in an effort to encourage his brothers and sisters that made up the church in Ephesus, challenged them to be "filled with the fullness of God" at all times, but especially when they felt that needle inching closer to "E".
I can relate to that.
You see, I've been praying to God, asking, no begging Him to fill me up. I've felt (relatively speaking) unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and de-energized since being back to school. It's not necessarily the school's fault, nor the classes, the people (especially the friends!), the lack of Chic-Fil-A's; it's me.
I've flicked some kind of mental (spiritual?) switch, both in my mind and my heart, that this last semester is this burden I must bear before I get back to living the way I want. Doing the things I want. Only daring to invest love in the people I want to invest in. Because hey, I'm almost out of here! Why would I invest time, energy, and love into people that I won't have to see anymore after a couple months of monotonous school work? Right? Yea, right. Nice, Jon.
I'm sure that's what the God of love wants.
Someone close to my heart showed me a message that Francis Chan had given at his church. Man, that guy. Talk about someone that God uses to encourage, but maybe more importantly for my case, convict the rest of us. He talked about how in times where we feel empty, instead of having an expectation that God will somehow change the situation because I am in some shape or form suffering from it, I should ask, no beg, no want nothing more than for God to change me. Who am I to question the God of everything ever's intentions for placing me where I am in life? I serve an intentional God. I serve a perfect God. Therefore, His intentions are perfect.
I want to feel challenged again. Because I want to discover, or merely see a glimpse, of how deep, how wide, and how INFINITE God's love is for me; how infinite His love, and how limitless His plans.
But it's easier said than done, isn't it?
Because this whole "feeling conviction and attaining a sense of purpose on a daily basis no matter the circumstances" is a work in progress. I'm not going to end this with some clever full-circle insight. I'll instead leave a link to Mr. Chan's sermon that has helped crack open my hardened heart.